Jackass

Unfortunately, I'm not referring to the movie. Yes, ladies (and gentlemen) I am a Jackass, but not the kind that gets lots of money for doing stupid shit in front of a movie camera. It's more along the lines of, "wow, she can be STUPID."

So the latest episode to remind me of this oft-ignored part of my personality was my tryout for the mock trial team at school. For some reason I had the bright idea to try out for the mock trial team. I don't know where this idea came from; I just happen to be pretty sure it wasn't mine orginally.

The tryout entails crafting an opening statement and presenting it to the coaches of the team. I've never been to a trial. I don't know what an opening statement is other than it happens somewhere near the beginning of the trial. At least that is what I am assuming since it is called an "opening statement."

So I download the fact pattern. It's a hundred and twenty pages of rules, court papers and depositions from a products liability suit. I'm a first year law student. Not a single one of my classes has touched on products liability yet, but I press forward in a misguided little train that could sort of way. "I think I can, I think I can."

Then to make my life a little bit harder I decide to try out as the defendant of the big bad corporation that really didn't have a defective product (just a stupid consumer) but it's hard to create jury sympathy when david is only asking goliath for $500K.

We'll just say my presentation tanked. It was like that first date in the movie Hitch. It was awful; I metaphorically kicked my Torts professor in the jaw. I think the last speech I gave that was that bad was my first informational speech in junior high.

Then to make this bad speech even worse; I used words with four syllables or more. Apparently this is a major faux pas. Unfortunately when I get flustered it's hard for me to remember the KISS principle and so all these "big" words slip out. I can't help it. I think that I am going to defenestrate my visual aids. Look it up!!! Defenestrate is a great word!

So, yeah, I'm a jackass. Nothing new there!

As a side note: CONGRATULATIONS Camel!!! You're going to NYC! I am so, so, so excited for you!!!!

Peace Out Ya'll!